In this post: It's NOT PERSONAL!! One of the key beliefs I instilled early in my coaching career which I believe can transform your business (and life) if you are willing to do the same.
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The Key Beliefs You Need To Completely Transform Your Health Coaching Business (And Your Life)
I think one of the key things that I think every coach must master is learning not to take things personally. Anyone who's been in my UPswing Mastermind knows that since the day I started coaching, I had this invisible tattoo that I can see written down the inside of my left arm that says "It's not personal."
What does this mean? Well, I do think that taking coaching personally, taking things personally is one of the biggest mistakes that I see new health coaches making when they coach. It's one of our biggest fears. It's also one of the biggest pieces that if we implement and start doing the opposite can have the most radical results, both for us and for our clients.
So it's common when starting as a health coach to not feel so confident and maybe feel like, "I should be a doctor" or "I should be able to do blood tests", or "I should be able to prescribe", or wanting to be more of a master of one's system.
What makes a good coach is someone who can be present. Someone who can zip the lips and be able to hold space and sit and be present, and listen to your potential client.
One of the mistakes, when we're starting, is that our confidence isn't strong so we're trying to fill the space. We're trying to talk. We're trying to, overeducate, trying to overteach instead of allowing a coaching dynamic to unfold, which largely has to be nothing to do with me as the coach, nothing to do with you as the coach and all a hundred per cent about the client. A hundred per cent focus on what does the client need right now, what they are saying, what I am hearing. And this focus, instead of internally, when it gets flipped externally is just a massive shift in the results that the client will get.
99% of the time, a client knows their answer. And what they need is someone to hear what they're saying, reflect and ask questions and hold that space. And when your coach has often gone wrong is they are stuck in their head trying to be the expert saying things to themselves like:
"What am I going to say to this?"
"How am I going to respond to this?"
"How can I sound smart?"
"How can I sound like an expert?"
"How can I prove myself?"
It can sound a bit abrupt when I say it, but we all know that we can get those insecurities in ourselves where we're almost trying to perform instead of just being there for our clients.
Let me know if you can resonate if you're coaching already or if you've started coaching, and let me know if this is something that maybe you identify that we can all get hooked in sometimes. Trying to think about how to project onto people instead of being there and reflecting in a relationship. What can happen is for new coaches where we're taking it personally, we think that the client is sitting there judging us whether we're good enough, whether we're expert enough, instead of focusing on that the client is in pain. It's about where our focus is going, thinking that all the lights and spotlights are on me or putting all the spotlight onto the coaching client.
Anything that your client brings up has nothing to do with you.
It was already inside them and the stronger you can be as a coach and not taking things personally, the safest space you allow for that client to feel that they can just say anything, that they can just be themselves to be tiptoed around and that they can just actually be held in processing, whatever it is that they need to share or express or discover for themselves.
Are there areas that we can start to explore, not taking things personally? Definitely other areas of business. If somebody says no to your coaching, it's not because you weren't good enough. Side note: It's probably that they didn't see the value, but that's a conversation for another day. But if someone says, no, it's not a personal rejection. The energy of rejection is very closely tied with today's teaching around not taking things personally. Many of us take things that are business-related, factual-related or completely other circumstances as personal and then we turn that into rejection and believe we're being rejected, which is just not the case.
There are so many reasons why somebody might not have moved forward with your program. And in many times probably works out for the best if it wasn't a perfect fit at that time anyway.
In other areas, you might take things personally in your personal life. This could be a fun one to explore this week. Where am I taking things personal in my marriage? Where am I taking things personal in my partnership? Where am I taking things personally when my kids say things to me? Where am I taking things personal in my friendships? For those of you still in employment, where am I taking things personally? Am I taking feedback from my boss, from my employer personally instead of factual? Am I hearing things through this lens of a personal attack or rejection and retaliating in that way?
How would your life look? How would your coaching practise look? How would your coaching engagements with your clients improve? How would potentially your sales improve? If you were getting on the call and thinking that this is some personal rejection or acceptance, either way, how would your sales skills improve? How would your relationships improve? How would your current work circumstance improve if you would take nothing personally?
There's my challenge for you this week. I'd love to hear any feedback or any experiences that you might have and all awareness is a good one. So some of you might even notice this week, like where you are getting triggered by something, and then you might sit back and reflect and go, "Wow, I took that personally." And I wonder "What would have happened if I didn't?" So a bit of an all-around life learning this week.
Ultimately anyone who's been in my mastermind programs knows what I talk about, it's not personal. And if we can take that lens into our business and our clients, you are going to not only be a much better coach yourself, a much more relaxed and at peace with yourself as a coach, but the results you start seeing your clients get major, surprise you.
So have fun with it this week. Let me know how that goes. And I will talk to you soon. Take care.
Love,
Amanda xx
P.S. Want to learn how to boost your coaching confidence so you feel like a PRO and get MASSIVE results? Click this link to get instant access to my FREE resource on Coaching Confidence >> https://training.amandajdaley.com/coachingconfidence/
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